Saturday, September 28, 2013

Greeting Cards


Brooke was never one to throw things away. She always kept the smallest bit of wrapping paper, newspaper clipping, ribbon or ticket stub – if only for the nostalgic value that she anticipated the object someday giving. In that way, she’d accumulated a collection of greeting cards over the years – mostly because she didn’t have the heart to recycle them. The cards were given to her from a variety of people throughout her life. Ridding herself of the cards would show her disinterest or lack of appreciation for these people, she reasoned.

Throughout the last ten or so years, she’d kept all cards, no matter how small, in a plastic waterproof container under her bed – to prevent water, rodent or pest damage to her precious memories.  In the last few weeks, she’d received various letters, cards and photo cards and had been adding them to her collection – so much so that container was beginning to bulge when she forced the lid atop it.  One Saturday morning, as she opened the box to place in a newly received postcard from her friend in Switzerland, she decided it was time to have a look at the memories from over the years.

Sprawling out on the living room carpet, she poured the contents of the box on to the floor. The cards seemed to have a mind of their own as they slid off one another in all directions, exiting the box.  Brooke carefully spread them across the floor and sat down on one of the pile, coffee in hand, preparing for a long afternoon of reminiscing. It was raining outside anyhow.

She picked up card from the pile. A cartoon alligator staring up at a smiling sun adorned the front, with the caption ‘Thinking of you makes me smile”.  Opening the card, she saw it was from her mother. No date, but her mom had written a note of praise and mentioned $5 was on the gift card that was no longer in the card. Must be from my college, years Brooke thought – even though her mother continued to send gift cards via the US Postal Service. Not that she needed them now. Brooke was well employed at a downtown firm, good benefits, great coworkers. She could pay her own rent, her seemingly endless student loans and still have enough left over for a beer or two. Still, Brooke remembered the times her mother had sent gift cards – even if for a simple cup of coffee and she smiled.

Next card in the pile: an Easter card with the word ‘granddaughter’ on the front. On the inside was a simple Easter greeting and her grandmother’s very characteristic handwriting. Brooke had always thought it interesting the kind of cards she’d received from her grandma. The cards were always simple, always Hallmark brand (she did care enough to send the very best!) and grandma never added any extra comments. She liked to let the card speak for itself, which Broke admired. Grandma always included a date as well, which was handy for tracking life events, Brooke thought. She found her grandmother’s handwriting comforting in the moment. Her grandmother had passed on a few years back and this was the first time she’d seen it since.

Amidst the pile, Brooke spotted a few smaller colorful cards. They looked like they’d been handmade out of construction paper. She gathered them from the pile and amassed them in front of her. Picking through them she saw they were from a dear college friend who enjoyed crafting her own cards. She too, had an easily distinguishable handwriting.

For most of the afternoon, Brooke dove into this pile of cards, a veritable sea of memories. Christmas cards dating as far back as first year of college, birthday cards, Halloween cards, graduation cards from college, thank you cards, post cards, letters from her pen pal across seas. She didn’t read the full messages in each, but the ones she did read brought her back. She couldn’t help shedding a few tears reading the caring and thoughtful messages she’d received when her grandmother had passed. She smiled at the funny and often inappropriate birthday cards her crazy girl friends had sent her. She was grateful for the kind messages she’d received from her aunt who lived across town. Brooke was glad she had saved these things – and knew she’d want to revisit them. It’s as if she had saved the important events of her life and stored them in a box.

Brooke noticed a pattern: many of the same names kept appearing in the cards. While she’d met many people in her life, it appeared that those most important made their care known via mail. Snail mail. Pony Express. Precursor to email, Google, chat or Skype, the classic Hallmark or handcrafted greeting cards had always meant the most to Brooke. And they still do, she decided.

Reflecting back on the years since began her collection, she realized that her life had been blessed by those in this box. Those people who, as Hallmark would say, “Care enough to send the very best.” She loved her cards, she loved her friends and family – though she knew it was time to give up some of these physical memories. It warmed her heart to see these messages once again, but she knew she was ready to move forward as well.

Placing a brown paper bag in front of her lap, she began the tedious task of reducing the amount of cards in her enormous stack.  She began placing cards in the bag one by one. And with each card gone, she felt a little lighter, a little happier - not because the size of her card collection caused her stress, but because she knew that these memories now lived on in her heart.  And all she could do was smile.

Monday, September 16, 2013

Fall reflections...


What is it about Fall that makes me want to change things up? Is it the cooler weather? Perhaps the lack of sunlight (maybe I’m just going crazy)? Who knows? At any rate, September is always a time of reflection on where my life is headed.

The crazy hot summer days are over. Laziness on the beach is a dream in the not so distant past. Suncreen, grill outs, puppies at the park, lemonade and road trips. Ahh summer. Seems like anything is possible in those short months. And they always get away from me so quickly!

Then Fall drops in. Literally. The leaves are beginning to fall here already. I don’t care what the calendar says. It’s Fall. In fact, the apples are starting to ripen and I’m looking forward to a bowl of warm apple crisp cuddled up in my oversized college sweatshirt and fuzzy brown house slippers.

And yet, Fall always makes me think back to the past year. What have I done? Am I doing what I want or what I thought I would be doing? What have I accomplished since January? And most importantly, where am I headed next?

It’s likely the highschoolers, under grads and graduate students headed back to class that make me think like this - and it’s by no means a bad thing! They hold so much promise. I see so much passion for discovery. There is so much promise in the future. Sounds like a ball of cheese whiz, doesn’t it?

It sure does. But the truth of it is, they do inspire!

I see them studying in cafés, rushing off to class or lab, attending football games, dodging my Chevy Cavelier as they whiz by me on their bikes. Where are they going? What is their passion in life and career? What would they rather be doing with their time?

Brings me to my life question: What would I rather be doing? I have a great job. Great benefits, nice apartment, good friends. I can pay my bills. Yay adulthood! But working 8-5 everyday in a tower downtown, is that how I want to leave my mark on this world? Is EDI what really what I’m passionate about?

I recently met someone who has inspired me to think outside my cube. Everyday I try to take some time to think carefully, rationally ‘What would I rather be doing?’

Honestly, I still don’t have an answer to that question. And I’m 27. Thought I’d have it figured out by now. Dang.

Seemingly comfortable in my position at jobs, it seems that about every two years, I start to feel a bit of restlessness. Uncomfortable. Anxious. What should I be doing? What could I be doing?

And these feelings creep up right around September, just when everyone is headed back to school. Backpacks full of books, notebooks, pencils, and yes, dreams. I’m such a cheeseball.

Fall is great. One of my favorite seasons, to be sure. A time to reflect on the exciting Summer that has passed, prepare for the quieter months of approaching Winter, and meditate on my most persistent question: “What would I rather be doing?”

It might take me until Spring to answer that one.

Sunday, June 30, 2013

20/20


Hindsight is 20/20, as the saying goes. 

Reflecting on the last five to seven years of my life has proven this to me. Now normally, this phrase implies a feeling of regret or disdain about chances squandered or situations that could have unfolded differently. This weekend, however, has given new meaning to this phrase for me.

100 years ago, a fearless and stubborn group of Benedictine Sisters set out to create an inviting, challenging and spiritual environment in which to educate women. They desired to foster womens’ creative and intellectual minds and send them to put their spirituality into action in the modern world. And the College of St. Benedict was born.

Throughout the last 100 years, the school has cultivated an on campus community drawing young, talented women from all corners of the globe, to engage in meaningful learning to be carried out to impact the world. It has created a close-knit network of more than 21,000 alumnae who are actively involved in each other lives. And I am one of them.

This weekend, I visited campus to celebrate the college’s birthday. Reconnecting with generations of alumnae, faculty and staff and hearing endless stories of women championing issues in their field of study has been truly inspiring.  Awards were given to alumnae demonstrating outstanding leadership and achievement in their field. From social work, to neuroscience and even the justice system, Bennies are making their mark in today’s ever-changing world.

How grand to think that I have the same potential! How uplifting to think that someone has believed in my abilities enough to allow me to educate myself at such a place! How inspirational to see other student’s success and to know I can do the same! What a lucky gal. I feel very fortunate to have been a part of such a tradition.

A few years ago, I was doing laundry and noticed that all of my St Ben’s clothing happened to show up in the same load. This coincidence wasn’t really a coincidence. Was it? Or was it trying to tell me something more? (read more about this laundry episode here).

This weekend’s reunion activities reminded me of this particular load of laundry and how I hadn’t really figured out what it was trying to tell me. Dirty laundry speaks loudly, you know. But perhaps now I have a better understanding of the meaning behind this domestic phenomenon:

My Bennie laundry is a subtle reminder of my underlying potential; it is a reminder of my call to action; it is a colorful representation of the supportive and uplifting community of St Ben alums, faculty and friends who will guide me to success.

Hindsight is 20/20, as the saying goes. But instead of looking back at my years at St Bens with regret or disdain, I see them as years that truly shaped who I am. In this sense, this phrase simply indicates a clear vision of my past. Years where I was given the power to do anything I believed was possible.

A little rejuvenation and reassurance from my St Ben’s sisters is all I need to recall my past successes and to look to them in support of my future ones.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

A world of opposites

It's crazy how back and forth things can be. Only yesterday, the world seemed like a different place. The temperature near boiling point, the stresses and confusions of my quest for employment and housing and some drama surrounding current familial relationships, it seemed the world and everything in it was about to explode. Literally.

Closing up shop at the Habitat office and heading to my car, today's cool breeze blew away the worries of the previous day and afforded the opportunity to drive with the windows down. What a relief! It's like someone pushed the reset button. And it's about time.

Gazing out the car windows when I should have been focused on the road - I hope they don't ticket for that - everything seemed so clear - like the haze had been lifted and life restored to normalcy, whatever that looks like.

The full white moon shone down through the lavender painted sky as bikers and couples strolled along the Franklin Ave bridge. The greenery on the banks was somehow greener, leafier, more natural. Even the squirrels who are usually running rampant in my neighborhood were still for once. Nature was finally at peace with the city - for a night anyway.

All this led me to my moment of clarity amidst all the chaos in my life at the moment. The moon in the sky, the leafier leaves, the bikers in their lane, all is as it should be. All is where it needs to be. I'm right where I need to be. It will all work out. I just know it. And I have to believe it.

I've had these moments before in my life and I'm always amazed by how simple things really are. Each element in life, by itself isn't as complicated as it seems - but when all the issues pile up is when the milk of life can turn from sweet to sour. Managing all the elements of life is the key. Still have some growing up to do around that.

Do people ever really reach a final stage into adulthood where they can still keep calm while juggling work and personal schedules, moving, job hunting, grocery shopping, visiting friend, exercising and sleeping? Isn't there a magic imaginary hoop that once you metaphorically leap through it, you are officially an adult and you have all this stuff all figured out? Where is my magic hoop darnit?!

Maybe it's still a ways off in the distance. Right now, I'm still figuring this stuff out. Stuff that you can't learn in school and that nobody really ever teaches you. You just have to experience it for yourself.

I'll tell you what though. If that hoop is the metaphorical carrot at the end of my stick, I am going to make it my life's mission to jump through it, knowing that I may never get there. And that is a beautiful thing. I'll take the experiences I'm getting now. And I'll reread this post and remember the walkers, cars and bikers crossing the Franklin Ave bridge all telling me the same thing: Sometimes, it's not about the destination. Sometimes it's about the journey.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Just because I can write

I'm a huge fan of reading my own work. That might sound a little narcissistic, but I enjoy rereading and reliving particular moments of my life, feeling each emotion as if I were actually there again, in the moment of inspiration. A sense of pride overwhelms me after finishing a passage I find particularly invigorating, thoughtful, emotional or sensational. Admittedly, I love my writing style. But who doesn't love to toot their own horn sometimes?

For every instance of self-praise, there is definitely an element or two of my writing that I feel require more attention.

As I carefully pore over the words in a post, I critique each line and paragraph and wonder how I could better incorporate more powerful and impassioned words to express myself and to entertain my readers. I wonder if the words, the emotions and the sensations that confronted me during my moment of inspiration come through to my audience: if I'm telling the whole story, offering a complete pictures of the scene I describe or the story I relate - the physical aspects as well as the emotional ones.

So while very entertaining, reviewing my posts means a lot of mental stimulation too, which can be exhausting!

Today, I sit down to write some thoughts out. Put the pen to the paper, as we used to say. Nowadays I suppose it's put the fingers to the keyboard? Anyway you choose to do it, writing can be a therapeutic activity. But it's also just plain fun! So leaving introspection and deep emotional content for another day, I branched out and let the fingers dance as they pleased on the keyboard to see what would come out! And there it is.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Should I stay or should I go?

As much as I love the song which the title of this blog refers to, the answer to the question has become pretty obvious to me in recent weeks.

I've always struggled with the plethora of opportunities open to people my age these days. Everyone in my life is always doing something different: corporate, non-profit, teaching and volunteering abroad, grad school or part time jobs; it seems there are so many varying styles of 'making it' today. Life is a never-ending opportunity to experience as much as one can.

Which makes me a little anxious about my own future. What do I do? Where do I want to go? I often feel overwhelmed by these questions to the point where I've definitely lost my fair share of sleep tossing and turning in my bed. But, why worry?

Well, I'm just trying to make my life sound exciting. Right? Is that it? Or is it that I want to wander far from where I grew up to make a better life for myself or for someone else? Or gain international experience to someday have an awesome corporate job? I'm not really sure.

At any rate I feel some peer pressure to do something 'amazing' and 'international.' There's also an element of regret that I'm afraid of feeling someday of 'not doing it while I had little commitment in my life.' While considering the intercontinental option or even inter-state option, I've found myself discounting my current experiences and the place I already know and love: Minnesota.

I can't help smiling when I see the perfect letters all in a row, picturing the lush valleys along the Root River and the endless biking adventures I've had in this lovely state: my home. If it was a physical object, I'd be the dork who hugs it!

What's so wrong with staying here? There's economic opportunity, friends and family. My other high school classmates, friends and connections have chosen this place for themselves, so why not me? What am I so afraid of?

In the coming months, there will be a lot of transition in my life. From new job to new social groups, new living situation. Eeks! What I think, though, is that I'll be sleeping better. Minnesota is a great place to be and I'm not quite over her just yet.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Snowshoers Inspire and Motivate

"Runners, take your mark! 3, 2, 1, Go!" The piercing shot of a starting pistol was all it took for the freshly fallen snow to fly as runners stormed across the start line.

This was the scene at the 2011 United States Snowshoe Association National Championships at Lakewoods Resort in Cable, WI, a sprawling resort town 20 minutes north of Hayward. This area seems be known for its awesome winter activities. Hayward, for example, is home to the infamous American Birkebeiner nordic ski race, and the Wisconsin Northwoods draws countless visitors to ice fish, snowmobile and snowshoe in the abounding natural beauty of the region.

The latter is what more than 200 trained and ready athletes of all ages and abilities showed up to do on Saturday March 12th. The course brought the racers down sloping valleys, up grueling hills and across a frozen lake with challenging turns along the route. This path was far from easy. Even if you attempted to walk the 10k path, you might find yourself clutching your chest, gasping for breath and cursing at your aching muscles.

The breathtaking scenery of snow-covered trees and heavily wooded trails made the trip worth all the effort. At least, that's what I'm guessing the runners who completed this course would say: the fastest in 41 minutes!

No matter who you cheered for, these competitors were quite the inspiration to any spectator. Particularly, the oldest woman to compete: Roddie Larson, a fearless 74 year-old who appears much, much younger. If she's able to get up and go, why am I sitting on my duff? Needless to say, she took the top time in her age category.

This sport is relatively new as far as competitions go, but the group of passionate athletes have formed quite the intricate system of races, categories and aspects of the sport. There's a junior's division, age categories spanning 5 years in both women's and men's, relay races, a citizen's race for those who simply enjoy snowshoeing as leisure, numerous awards and memorials for those who have given so much time and effort to the sport, t-shirts and of course, door prizes from generous sponsors. And the winners stand atop some pretty creative award podiums of sliced sections of ancient tree stumps. Oh the grandeur to be atop one!

At the post-race dinner, I casually mentioned to my uncle that if I happened to win a pair of snowshoes from the raffle, I would run a race with him next season. As fate would have it, my ticket number was drawn and I'm destined to put my money where my mouth is next winter. At least I'll have something to train for over the summer.

Watching such dedicated and passionate athletes from all walks, ages and backgrounds of life, I have to say I'm more motivated than ever to train for my upcoming summer road race. Get in Gear is happening April 30th. Hopefully, I'll maintain this positive momentum and be ready for my first snowshoe race when the first snow falls again.

Until then, I'm looking forward to green grass, sunshine and fresh, warm air.

The weekend at Lakewoods Resort was one of the best, most relaxing and quite honestly most invigorating weekends for me in a long time. The attitude and atmosphere of friendly competitors is something I'm looking forward to at future events, even when the snow melts.