Fall reflections...

What is it about Fall that makes me want to change things up? Is it the cooler weather? Perhaps the lack of sunlight (maybe I’m just going crazy)? Who knows? At any rate, September is always a time of reflection on where my life is headed.

The crazy hot summer days are over. Laziness on the beach is a dream in the not so distant past. Suncreen, grill outs, puppies at the park, lemonade and road trips. Ahh summer. Seems like anything is possible in those short months. And they always get away from me so quickly!

Then Fall drops in. Literally. The leaves are beginning to fall here already. I don’t care what the calendar says. It’s Fall. In fact, the apples are starting to ripen and I’m looking forward to a bowl of warm apple crisp cuddled up in my oversized college sweatshirt and fuzzy brown house slippers.

And yet, Fall always makes me think back to the past year. What have I done? Am I doing what I want or what I thought I would be doing? What have I accomplished since January? And most importantly, where am I headed next?

It’s likely the highschoolers, under grads and graduate students headed back to class that make me think like this - and it’s by no means a bad thing! They hold so much promise. I see so much passion for discovery. There is so much promise in the future. Sounds like a ball of cheese whiz, doesn’t it?

It sure does. But the truth of it is, they do inspire!

I see them studying in cafés, rushing off to class or lab, attending football games, dodging my Chevy Cavelier as they whiz by me on their bikes. Where are they going? What is their passion in life and career? What would they rather be doing with their time?

Brings me to my life question: What would I rather be doing? I have a great job. Great benefits, nice apartment, good friends. I can pay my bills. Yay adulthood! But working 8-5 everyday in a tower downtown, is that how I want to leave my mark on this world? Is EDI what really what I’m passionate about?

I recently met someone who has inspired me to think outside my cube. Everyday I try to take some time to think carefully, rationally ‘What would I rather be doing?’

Honestly, I still don’t have an answer to that question. And I’m 27. Thought I’d have it figured out by now. Dang.

Seemingly comfortable in my position at jobs, it seems that about every two years, I start to feel a bit of restlessness. Uncomfortable. Anxious. What should I be doing? What could I be doing?

And these feelings creep up right around September, just when everyone is headed back to school. Backpacks full of books, notebooks, pencils, and yes, dreams. I’m such a cheeseball.

Fall is great. One of my favorite seasons, to be sure. A time to reflect on the exciting Summer that has passed, prepare for the quieter months of approaching Winter, and meditate on my most persistent question: “What would I rather be doing?”

It might take me until Spring to answer that one.